And the Oscar Goes To
by Drowning in Chaos
Summary: Bella is a blockbuster actress who's out to make a joke of Hollywood. A night of mishaps places her in the bed of the most egotistical actor in tinsel town; a man she loves to hate. Trouble doesn't end with just a litter of kittens.
1. The Best Fall From Grace

**And the Oscar Goes To…**

**Chapter I**

**For The Best Fall From Grace: Bella Swan**

The Oscars … everybody's heard of them. The glitz and the glamour, the night of all nights. However, most people don't even know the half of it. For all the bullshit you go through to get there, you end up spending the first part of the evening getting pushed and shoved about by a bunch of assholes. You are then obliged to sit through hours and hours of dull speeches, lip synched musical performances, and you are forced into clapping every five goddamn minutes. Furthermore, trying to act polite, courteous and somewhat normal for hours on end can become excruciatingly painful.

The only good thing about the annual Academy Award ceremony is that I make a lot of money from it. It's not because I get to rub shoulders with the entertainment industry 'big guns', who are likely to woo a bankable commodity (like me) to star in their next huge blockbuster. No, that's not it at all … it's because every year I place bets on the major winners. The whole thing is so fixed, that picking winners is like child's play.

Betting on the Oscars has always earned me enough to treat myself to a great holiday every year. This year I plan to go to Australia. If he wasn't already happily married, I'd say the trip was an integral part of my mission to shack up with Mr. Hugh Jackman. Wow! That guy has got the _IT_ factor. Though my _IT_ factor, and Hollywood's _IT _factor, were probably two different things entirely. I mean, sure … the guy's got talent, but he's _really_ got talent, if you know what I'm saying … and I think you do…

Alice, my ADHD, Ritalin munching, talented stylist/ dressmaker friend, buzzed around me like … well, like a fucking bee. She poked me intermittently with ridiculous styling equipment, and I'd yell at her to just fuck off each and every time she did. A thousand hair pins were pushed up into my heavy curls and were guaranteed to give me a migraine as big as Hercules by the end of the night. Lip liner, lipstick and lip gloss graced my lips. _Fuck, it's a wonder that millions of women don't die every year from ingesting all that lip product bullshit._ There were eye brushes, cheek brushes, hair brushes and god knows what other types of brushes; all shoved in my face.

By the time Alice was finished, I was pretty sure that my head was going to roll off my shoulders, it felt that heavy. I could only hope that it would roll right into her shins, thereby bowling the bitch over and giving me a strike.

"Just you wait until you see your dress. You're going to fucking hate me!" Alice squealed.

"I already do!" I copied her tone, mocking her.

Then she pulled out the weirdest, fucked up shit I've ever seen. It was black and it had puffy bits.

That was my professional description.

I burst into laughter at the sight of it. Alice had clearly outdone herself this year. I may hate all the bullshit and the ugly dresses, but I loved her idea. It was about three years ago that Alice decided to use her talent to make a joke of the red carpet. I readily agreed to her plan; simply, because I don't give a shit what people think of me. I'm here to do what I love; and that is to act.

The plan was for Alice to make the ugliest dress possible, and then to sit back and watch the Hollywood sycophants do their work. It was quite comical when each year we'd purposely set out to make me look completely ridiculous, only to appear on the red carpet's 'best dressed list' the following day. The people here are moronic, and that's perfectly okay with me; they keep me entertained. I only stay around because, apparently, I'm good at what I do, and because of that, I get paid bucket loads of money to do what I love.

I put the latest ridiculousness on and groaned when I realized where all the puffy bits went. It was a tight fitting black dress that would have been really nice if not for the huge ass bows and bubbles that were gathered around the chest area and then expanded beyond my arms. A bow (or whatever it was) moved out to a point beside my head_. If someone should be stupid enough to stand close behind me, it will surely take an eye out._

I couldn't tilt my head down for fear of poking my own eyes out. It was eccentric eighties, meets the emo nineties. It was brilliant.

When I was finally released from the _'room of doom'_, I jumped in the limo and headed to the Kodak. On my arrival, I met Jane; the assistant my manager had said would be there to help guide me down the red carpet. I wasn't looking forward to the red carpet; mainly, because journalists are pushy, unfeeling assholes, so I'd had a couple of champagnes in the car to help me relax.

"So, who dressed you tonight, your dress looks … interesting?" One of the said 'moronic assholes' asked.

"You think?" I moved my head to the side until it touched the puffy bow, or whatever, beside it. "I just thought it'd be politer than bringing my pillow …you know, just in case we have to listen to Kristen Stewart stutter her way through some demented speech again. We could be here all damn night!"

"So who is the designer?" She asked flatly. I had a feeling that she wasn't going to be particularly interested in my answer if it was anything like the last one I'd given her.

I tilted my head and furrowed my brow. "You know ... I really don't know," I fluttered my hand over the catastrophe at the front of my dress, "but they're obviously a moron. Oh ... except for the nifty pillow idea;" I patted the large bow by my head, "_that_ was a stroke of genius." I often thought about outing Alice, but knew she would kill me without a second thought.

_'Death by stiletto'_. Now there's a head stone for you.

"So, you didn't bring a date with you tonight?" She'd clearly ignored that answer too. I began to wonder if they would even bother adding this interview to their … whatever it is they did.

"Well, I really wanted to bring my father, but he's dead, so …"

The journalist balked and was saved from having to say anything further when Jane interrupted us to say our time was up.

The rest of the interviews were much the same, and I gave the usual short, blunt answers. It was my best tactic for getting down the red carpet quickly. No one wanted someone swearing on live TV or speaking ill of their stylist in their interviews. The difference was that my stylist was at home, probably cackling away like an evil elf.

I made it to the foyer and grabbed myself two glasses of champagne from the first tray I saw. I sighed in relief and was about to take my very first sip, when I felt someone breathe on the back of my neck.

"Interesting dress, Swan. What eighties icon did you maim for that one?" I turned around slowly and came face to face with Edward Cullen.

Now close your eyes and imagine this; 'I just finished fucking' sex hair, lush green eyes that looked as though they held all your secrets, and a smile so devilishly handsome that your panties dropped; all of their own accord.

Now open your eyes, scroll to the top of this page and pick an adjective that pertains to Hollywood and all its subjects; Mr. Jackman excluded.

Now add 'egotistical' and 'pretentious' to that description, and you have the one and only, Edward Cullen; movie star extraordinaire.

"I saw Madonna in the parking lot. She was so busy with her latest childlike, orphan accessory, that she didn't even see me coming," I replied dryly and shrugged one shoulder before taking another sip of the bubbly liquid.

He flashed me that panty melting smile, and I tried not to grimace at him.

"So, where's your latest flavor, Cullen? It's very unlike you to not have a leech on your arm." I raised a brow at him, waiting for his reply. He almost chuckled but held it in.

Edward uncurled a finger from his champagne flute and pointed it over towards a group of people standing by the door. I saw a tall blonde talking to the Smiths. She felt us watching her and looked up. She smiled when she saw Edward, but then it promptly fell from her face when she saw me.

I waved with a wide grin on my face, and she scowled at me before returning to her conversation.

I chuckled. "Wow … friendly," I mumbled into my glass and took a sip. I looked back at Edward, and he was watching me with a small smile.

"She's predictable. Nice work." I smiled back at him.

"Envious, Swan?"

I stared at him for a long moment, willing tears to well in my eyes. I felt them mist and then I gave him my best 'you killed my puppy dog' eyes.

"You know I've always had a crush on you. Why do you have to be so mean and bring that to shove in my face?" I asked in a whiny voice, motioning wildly with my hand towards his new bimbo, spilling a bit of champagne on the floor. She noticed and looked in our direction in confusion, but I ignored her.

He chuckled and took a sip of his drink.

"You're good, Swan. I'll give you that much," he said, still smiling.

I smiled back. "The best."

We distracted ourselves with our drinks, finishing them off and discarding them on trays as the servers passed by. I looked around quickly and noticed that the blonde woman was fast approaching.

"Incoming," I said in a sing song voice and then half turned away from Edward to gulp down some of my second glass of champagne.

"Hey, you!"

Blegh! She had one of those high pitched girly voices that made your ears bleed.

"Hey." I heard Edward's hesitant reply. "Heidi, I would like you to meet Bella Swan. Bella, this is Heidi," he introduced.

I turned back to them and smiled at her genuinely. She plastered on a fake smile and shook my hand limply when I offered it to her.

"I had no idea you were nominated," she stated, making me wish that Alice had managed to squeeze some industrial style ear muffs in my clutch bag.

"I wasn't …. I'm presenting," I replied, trying to keep the bitter tone out of my voice. I knew the angle she was playing, and I wasn't one for games.

"Oh, that's right! I read that you got kicked off your last movie for demanding a pay rise. I haven't seen you in anything all year. Is it because of that?" She smiled at me cloyingly, and I wanted to gag_. How fucking high school._

I could see Edward stiffen, and I glanced at him momentarily before I answered her.

"Earlier in the year, I was in a movie called 'Sinful Thoughts'. It received rave reviews at Sundance. And I didn't get kicked off the movie 'Because The Night'. My father died, and I left to mourn and help look after my ill mother. But, hey! If you pay $2.95 for the magazine, it must be full of facts, right?" I gulped the rest of my drink and put it on a passing tray. I looked up at Edward and saw him staring at me with curiosity. "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to find my seat, so I can swap around the names of whatever morons they've put near me."

I stepped away from the egotistical asshole and his leech, but didn't get far before I was stopped by none other than Hugh Jackman.

"Bella, hey." He leaned into me and my breath hitched. "I just wanted to say, sorry 'bout your dad. He was a bloody good bloke."

I looked at him in shock. My dad wasn't really talked about. It had only been six months, and my team had done everything in their power to make sure I was left well alone by the paparazzi.

"I - thanks." I stuttered. I had no idea what to say. My star crush was right before me, but rather than whispering dirty words in my ear with his sexy Aussie accent, like I had always fantasized, he was bringing up the subject of my dead father. Total buzz kill.

Oh, did I mention his wife was standing next to him? Yeah, that was like the ultimate punishment from officer killjoy. He introduced me to his wife, Deborra-lee, and she was depressingly lovely.

"You know you make it really hard for me to hate you. Now I'm not so sure that I could proposition your husband without feeling a tinge of guilt. Sometimes I hate that I'm so damned human," I blurted.

Surprisingly, she laughed. I gave her a mock glare.

"And you get my jokes. Seriously, you can go now."

"We need to move and find our seats anyway. We'll probably need to swap the names of whatever wankers are sitting next to us. It was nice meeting you, Bella," she chuckled.

_Well move over, Hugh. I just found my soul mate in your wife._

"You too?" I replied trying my best not to sound like the instant fan-girl I'd just become. She moved in order to hug me, and I held her at a distance.

"Whoa there, Debbie! I don't want to poke your eye out on this mess here," I said, motioning with my head to my dress.

She laughed lightly, leaned in, kissed my cheek, and then they were gone.

No kiss from Hugh.

_The universe hates me._

I made my way through the doors of the audience chamber and managed to get to an usher without any further interruptions.

A weedy guy with curly black hair motioned to an aisle. "Miss Swan, you are just in here, toward the middle."

I thanked him and made my way down. A few people had to stand up to let me through, and I thanked them all as I swept past them. I stopped abruptly when I saw my seat and the ass that sat next to it.

_Jesus, the world really does fucking hate me._

"You already changed the names around, didn't you?" I accused the owner of the lopsided smile that was currently pointed in my direction.

Edward's large hands rose up in a defensive move. "I swear, Swan; this is how they were."

I looked at him skeptically and then looked at his leech with a raised, questioning eyebrow. The woman was pretending that I wasn't even there. My airbag dress obviously offended her.

I sat down with a childish huff, only to have to stand up again to let more people pass. Someone sat next to me, and I looked over to see the cute, round face of Jacob. Jacob Black was an up and coming young actor with the cutest baby face ever. Every time I had seen him, I'd wanted to pinch his cheeks, but could never get close enough. So I reached over and did just that.

"Jacob!" I cooed, as I grabbed his cheeks between my thumbs and fingers.

He looked at me like I was a crazed woman, but he maintained a smile.

"Bella!" he mocked my tone. "Nice dress." He smirked at me, and I pinched his cheeks, harder, before settling back in my chair.

"What? You don't like my air bags? Safety first, young man! At least if I break my ankles in these heels, my face will be saved when I fall forward on my puffy chest." I shot him a proud smile.

He shook his head at me slowly and then looked past me to Edward seated on the other side.

"Edward, man. Good to see you."

"Hey, Jake."

They reached over me and shook hands, their arms inadvertently rubbing up and down my bubbles and bows. I moaned deeply and closed my eyes a little.

"Oooh yeah, right there boys. I love it when you rub my fun bags." They both shot their hands back and looked at me like I was crazy. I gave them both a smirk and then settled further in my seat as the lights began to dim.

The opening was mildly entertaining. Some new band played some new song, and I tapped my foot along to the beat. The host was an overseas comedian who had made a few movies in the US. He listed names of celebrities who were in the room, and made jokes about their lives or the rumors surrounding them.

I was shocked when my name was mentioned, and I stiffened a little as a bright spotlight shone on me.

"You look comfortable sitting there between two of Hollywood's hottest commodities. How are you doing, Bella?"

"I'd be better if they stopped trying to play with my fun bags, Ricki," I replied, stroking my bubbles and bows on my chest.

I could see our image on the large screens at the sides of the stage. I saw both Edward and Jake's eyes go wide, while the face of the leech soured. The audience laughed, and I sighed in relief when the light was finally spotting someone else on the other side of the room.

Presenting was just as boring as watching the show, but at least it gave me a chance to stretch my legs a little. That was nice. I had to lean over my bows and bubbles to talk into the microphone which had made everyone laugh.

When it was over, and time to leave, I thought seriously about going home, but I knew I needed to get myself back out there; so I went to the Vanity Fair after party. I ended up walking in at the same time as Hugh and Deborra-lee, so I hung around with them for a while, talking politely, somewhat, with all who managed to slink their way into our circle.

After a while, I excused myself and visited the ladies room. I was washing my hands, when Edward's leech walked out of a stall. I looked at her via my reflection in the mirror and smiled. She scowled at me and then walked out.

_Eww, gross! Bitch didn't even wash her hands._

I dried my hands and exited the bathroom just in time to watch the leech call a bemused Edward "an asshole" and storm off in a huff. I raised an eyebrow at him, and he simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Came to her senses did she?"

"What can I say? I'm more man than she can handle." He smirked at me.

"You wanna hope she didn't handle you. That woman doesn't even wash her hands." I'm pretty sure my distaste showed clearly on my face.

"_Yuck_." I heard Edward mumble.

"What a shame … no notch on your bedpost tonight. What's a blockbuster movie star to do?" I mocked.

"Well, I don't know about that," he said as he moved closer to me and snaked his arm over my shoulders.

I shrugged his arm off and looked up at him in disgust.

"That would just make_ you_ a notch on _my_ bedpost and that will never happen." I gave him a stern look and his only reply was a panty dropping smile. I pointed at him. "That shit don't work with me, Cullen."

"Nonsense, it works with everyone," he stated.

"Oh, yes. Two rejections in one night is proof of that."

"One rejection," he corrected, "and she doesn't even wash her hands, so I'm sure she doesn't actually count, since I wouldn't have gone there anyway." He was leaning down, his face now closer to mine, but I didn't back away; I didn't want him thinking that he affected me.

"You seem to have forgotten that I rejected you too, you idiot."

"If that was a rejection, then why are you still standing here?" He was way too close now. His breath fanned across my face, and I breathed him in.

A loud click broke our gazes and we both turned to see a photographer smiling sheepishly at us. I narrowed my eyes and pointed at the greasy haired asshole.

"If that shows up on TMZ tomorrow with a headline about me being his next _thing_, Eric, I will personally come to your house and tie your balls into a bow, with a double knot. Do you understand me?"

"Ouch! Are you really that embarrassed to be seen with me?" Edward asked.

"Well, wouldn't you be?" I asked with a straight face.

He shrugged and went to take another sip of his beer but quickly realized it was gone. He frowned into the bottle and then grabbed my hand.

"C'mon, we need fresh drinks," he stated and started pulling me along.

"Hold it there; can I get a photo of you two together?" Eric asked.

With a slight huff, Edward abruptly stopped us and turned me to face the camera. I plastered on a smile, feeling suddenly overwhelmed, and then blinked dazedly after the flash went off in my eyes. Before I knew it, I was once again being pulled along, but all I could see was white spots before me.

_Ugh! It serves me right for looking into the flash._

I felt myself starting to lose my footing, and I began to topple. Edwards' arm wrapped around my waist tightly and then all Hell broke loose.

I heard him yell, "Ow! Shit! Swan!" and then his supportive arm turned corrupt, pushing me away.

I toppled forward at a ridiculous speed, and put my hands out to break the fall, before discovering that I was falling toward a potted palm. Instead of bracing for the fall, my hands instinctively wrapped around the small palm trunk which only made the tree and the pot it was in, hit the floor sideways at the same moment I did. Before the plant and I hit the ground, my cheek planted into the corner of the wall.

After assessing myself mentally and taking an inventory of which parts of my body were hurting, I became vaguely aware of a heavy weight on my legs. I sat upright and looked down to see Edward lying sprawled across my legs, face down in the carpet. I hadn't realized I had taken him down with me during all the chaos. I heard him groan before he moved to get up.

The crowd around us became deathly quiet, and I just knew that half the room would be staring in our direction. I didn't dare to look around me, so I instead concentrated on watching Edward as he moved to sit up. His face was covered in potting mix, but I could still see the complete look of shock on it. He looked at me for a long moment. His face went from shock, to worry and then the corner of his mouth twitched.

He looked absolutely ridiculous, and I couldn't stop the giggle that escaped me. He chuckled along with me, and before I knew it, we were both in complete hysterics. Edward moved to stand up and then held his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me up gently. I heard the sound of a clicking lens as I brushed down my dress. I looked up and saw Eric snapping away with his camera.

"Eric!" I warned him.

He had the audacity to smile at me, obviously pleased with himself. "I promise to buy you something sweet with the profits, Bella. Just smile." I grimaced and stuck up my middle finger at him. He took a couple of shots and then quickly disappeared when Edward gave him a threatening glare, but not before taking a close up of Edward's dirt covered face, of course.

The people around us slowly started to resume their conversations, and a few of the workers set about righting the plant and cleaning up the mess we had made. I apologized to them profusely, but they waived me off and continued their work.

"I can't believe you did that!" I heard Edward accuse from behind me. I turned on him.

"You can't believe I did what? You pushed me!" I yelled, louder than I had intended. I was in some serious pain, and I really didn't take kindly to being told that it was my fault when I was the one who'd just been pushed into a wall.

"You poked me in the eye!" I looked at the eye he pointed to, and it was actually quite red.

"No I didn't!" I countered.

"Yes, you did! Or, your … bow, or whatever it is, got me right in the eye."

"Well it's your own fault for standing too close to me!"

"If I hadn't been close to you, you would have broken your legs tripping over your own feet!"

"Yeah, well fat load of help that did anyway." I scoffed.

I limped up to the wall and leaned against it. Edward looked me up and down with furrowed brows and wide eyes. It made him look like a muppet.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, suddenly sounding concerned.

"Yeah, I think I've broken my ankle, or at least badly sprained it."

I moved to slide down the wall and sit down when I saw Edward kneel down and take a look at my foot. I looked down at him with a questioning glare, but he didn't look fazed. He reached out and put his hands around the ankle that I held up off the ground.

"It's pretty swollen. We should see if there's a doctor around." He turned away from me, still on one knee and asked the nearest worker if a first aid kit was available anywhere. I waited patiently and concentrated on the pain that was coursing through my head. I put a finger to my cheek bone and winced.

"Yeah, you're gonna have a bitch of a bruise tomorrow," Edward stated, his face suddenly next to mine. I then yelped in surprise when he lifted me and cradled me to him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed at him.

"These lovely people are going to lead us to one of their kitchens, so we can get some first aid. I really don't feel like waiting around forever for you to limp your sorry ass all the way there."

I scowled at him, but held on tight as he carried me through a back hallway, managing to steer clear of the crowd. We went through two large doors, and then entered a kitchen that was wrapped in stainless steel.

He put me on one of the shiny benches, and I gasped as the cool metal chilled the skin of my thighs. I watched on as Edward knelt in front of me and gingerly began to take off my shoe. I took a sharp intake of breath and tried to pull my foot away. He sighed and grabbed it back.

"Stop being such a girl."

"I am a girl, you moron."

"Hardly," he mumbled.

I cried out as he squeezed my foot once my shoe was off. "Mother ,shit, son of a … eat shit and die mother fucker!"

He looked up at me and smirked. I wanted to kick him, but I was in too much pain to move. I took to insulting him instead.

"You look like big foot with a beady red eye." The pain was seriously depleting my stock of witty insults and come backs.

"Yeah? Well, you're going to have one hell of a black eye tomorrow." He chuckled. "Serves you right for being so clumsy," he muttered as he returned his gaze upon my foot.

"You pushed me! Asshole!" I screamed at him.

A young girl handed Edward a medium sized red box, blushed at him, and then walked away. I hadn't even heard her enter, and her embarrassment rubbed off on me. He thanked her and then opened the box. It was full to the brim with medications, sticking plasters, creams, bandages and a few other unidentifiable objects. He pulled out one of the bandages, and then looked around the room, curiously. He spied something, turned to tell me to "stay put", to which I rolled my eyes, and then he rushed around the room, opening various drawers and cabinets.

He returned a minute later, with a few bottles of champagne and a small hand-towel filled with ice. He popped open one of the champagne bottles and then handed it to me. I looked at him, confused.

"I don't think it's broken, but you've sprained it pretty badly. I really don't want to hear you screaming, unless it's my name in bed, so you might wanna drink some of this while I ice it. Then I'll wrap it up."

I snatched the bottle from him and took some large swigs. I could feel the small bubbles coalescing in my gullet, eventually making one big bubble that I just had to let rip in a magnificent burp that echoed against the walls.

"Charming," he commented dryly, as he wrapped the towel loosely around my ankle.

I just smiled and watched him as he moved to the sink to wash his face with water. He dried it with one of the flashy kitchen towels.

"Is all the dirt off my face?" he asked, turning to me.

He had a long wet streak across one cheek and a small bit on his chin that made him look he had tried to grow a clit tickler beard, just like the one sported by that has-been, Billy Ray Cyrus.

"Yep," I answered, straight faced.

He lifted himself up and sat on the table next to me. "You sharing?"

"Nup."

He grabbed a new bottle of champagne and opened it. He took a couple of gulps before putting it down and then looked to me again.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"I'm not drunk yet, if that's what you mean?"

We looked at each other for a long moment, and then he chuckled.

"What?" I snapped, unleashing another scowl at him.

"Your hair is like …," he made a motion with his hands to emphasize that I had big hair, "wild! At least it goes with your dress now." He leaned into me and began picking at my hair. "You have bits of palm fronds in it, too."

I took another swig of the champagne while he fussed with my hair, and then I looked at his red eye.

"Just call me 'Betty Rubble'. How's your eye feeling?"

"It's been better." He stopped fussing over my hair, but he didn't move away.

"You look like you've been sucker-punched," I slurred a little. _Okay … Maybe I'm a little tipsy._

"So do you," he replied and reached up to brush his thumb across my cheek.

Goose bumps broke out over my flesh. They surprised me, and I flinched.

He mistook my recoiling for pain and apologized, then held the cold bottle of bubbles up to my cheek. He smiled at me kindly, and it was hard not to return it.

The double doors were loudly banged open, and we startled apart, as if we were two children getting caught by their parents for doing something naughty. I released a long breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

_What the heck was that?_

**AN: Yes, I have something wrong with me. It gets weirder. All hate mail from KStew lovers please hit the button below.**

**Thanks to BoB for making sense of this ridiculousness. Seriously, this thing was a mess. I'd ditch me if I was her but she keeps on goin' on.**

**Thanks to my supporters at FanficAholics Anon, for always pushing me along and making me smile like a loon. Especially Pups, celesticbliss, QFX, for loving my pre-teasers and of course Feral, who gave me the title for this story.**

**My Skype buddies, for putting up with my drunken ramblings.**

**Last, but not least, thank **_**you**_**, my readers. You're awfully supportive of my inability to concentrate on finishing one project before starting another. Mephis/Udo and Vampmama/Readingmama, I hope you're both okay with me using your fics as Bella's movies. If you haven't read the goods these two ladies offer up, then you need to get there quick smart.**

**Oh! And to Buzzkill for laughing at me.**

**Okay. Essay over. You can move along now. Next chapter, or review box. See you there.**

**Ferla V.**


	2. The Best Quick Shooter

**And the Oscar Goes To…**

**Chapter II**

**For the Best Quick Shooter: Edward Cullen**

One of the workers entered and smiled at us. We both smiled innocently in return as he grabbed a box of champagne. He then nodded in our general direction in recognition before exiting.

The air around us suddenly became alive with electricity as the silence enveloped us. My mind was malfunctioning. I couldn't string together a coherent thought. My foot and my face were both screaming with pain, but in the same instant, the rest of my body was screaming that Edward Cullen, egotistical, asshole extraordinaire, had been looking after me for the last half hour, and he had not long ago, been leaning into me while caressing my cheek.

_Common sense ... where the fuck are you?_

"Are you ready?" Edward's voice pulled me from my inner freak out session, and his words caused me to panic momentarily.

_Ready for what? What is happening here?_

"I have to wrap your ankle," he said, as if reading my mind.

"Go for your life." I tried to sound nonchalant, but in truth, I was suddenly feeling nervous about Edward touching me. It was completely ridiculous and I mentally slapped myself.

As he bent to one knee in front of me, I busied myself by draining the remainder of my bottle of champagne. I hissed as he began to bandage my foot, but it started to feel a little better by the time he was pinning in the loose end.

He put a hand on the bottom of my foot and the other on my calf, and then he smiled up at me. "Feel better?"

I simply nodded; my voice had decided to take a vacation.

"I should get you home. Do you think you can walk?"

I jumped off the table, holding my bandaged leg outwards.

"I reckon I could hop, but please tell me there's another way out of here. I don't want to walk through all those people again."

Edward took a hold of my upper arms and squeezed them gently. "You stay here. I'll go ask someone."

I wanted to roll my eyes at his ridiculous notion that I could go far at all, but it seemed my eyes were already kind of rolling around.

_Hello champagne brain._

I held onto the table to steady myself until Edward returned.

"What'd they say?" I asked as he walked over to me.

He didn't answer straight away; instead he swooped down to pick me up. I yelled out in surprise and, on instinct, wrapped my arms around his neck. I effortlessly rolled my eyes at him.

"Where to?"

"There's a back door here that will take us to the undercover parking bay which is for staff only. My driver is already there and waiting for us," he huffed out, as he walked us to the aforementioned door.

We'd barely made it out the door when I saw a bright flash of light, and then another and another.

"Eric!"

"C'mon, Bella. I promise you'll laugh when you see them on the website tomorrow. Just think of all the great pictures you guys will have to show your children." He smirked at me, and I scowled.

"You're so lucky I don't have something to throw at you, asshole!"

"Here," Edward grunted, sounding like he was slightly out of breath.

He reached his hand up and offered me a bottle of champagne that I hadn't noticed he'd swiped from the kitchen. I grabbed it and it nearly slipped out of my hand as a drunken stupor swept over me. I fumbled and caught it and then, unthinkingly, brought it up over my head like a baseball bat, ready to throw in Eric's general direction. Instead, the cold, bubbly liquid splashed all over us from the upturned bottle.

Even through my scream and Edward's yell of surprise, you could still hear the incessant clicking of Evil Eric's lens. I turned on him, screaming out obscenities like a demented woman, demanding that he buy me a pinball machine with his earnings. I continued ranting on until the car door slammed in my face, safely enclosing Edward and me inside. There were a few more flashes before the car finally took off.

"Where to, Mr. Cullen?" The driver asked.

"Home. Thank you, Sam."

His reply took a few seconds to register, but as soon as it did, the alcohol induced stupor lifted.

"Wait! Yours? Nice try, Cullen. I may be a little drunk, but you are not getting me into bed that easy."

Edward looked at me with a raised brow. "You really think a lot of yourself don't you, Swan? I'm not taking you home to screw you …" He broke off and made a sour face.

I laughed at him. "Bet you don't say that often?" I mocked.

"No. I don't, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, so I hope I never have to again."

"So exactly why are you taking me to your place? To show off your décor? To drink tea and discuss coordinating throw pillows?"

"To take care of you, of course," he replied with a smirk.

"You're full of shit. You're hoping to get lucky tonight!" I scoffed.

It was then that I realized I was sitting on his lap. Edward had simply rested me there when we'd gotten in the car. I moved to slide off him, but he held me in place. I glared at him curiously.

"I meant to say, take care of your ankle," he emphasized.

"I can take care of myself."

"Not in this state you can't."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"So who died and made you the king of the world?" I slurred.

"I have always been king. You've just never noticed."

"I've always noticed you! I thought you were hot, but then I actually met you," I blurted.

Our first meeting hadn't gone so well. Ironically, it was for some stupid Vanity Fair party, two years ago. I had accidentally tripped into Edward, and he had told me rather bluntly that I was a klutz, and that I needed to watch where I was going. He then ignored me for the rest of the night.

He simply raised an eyebrow and smirked. "What did you think of me when we first met?" he asked.

"That you were a pompous ass," I laughed, "and probably really good in bed," I added, through my laughter.

He chuckled. "Well you got one thing right."

"So you admit you're a pompous ass?" I was still giggling. The champagne was making me buzz.

He smiled at me. It was that panty dropping smile again, and I saw his eyes brighten as the passing street lights lit his face.

"No, the other one," he replied in a gravelly voice.

I giggled and leaned into him, our noses almost touching. "Prove it," I whispered.

Within a beat of my erratic heart, his lips were on mine, and our tongues met. His hands became possessive, his fingertips marking me as he held me tightly to him. My hands found his hair, and I held on for dear life as I rode the high of having him kiss me. My subconscious niggled at me to stop; because pretentious and egotistical Edward only wanted to put my name on his list. Then my mind argued that it was _me_ that wanted his name on _my_ list, because seriously, what woman wouldn't?

So I just went with it. I relaxed and moaned aloud when his mouth made its way to my neck and then my collarbone, making my skin erupt with goose bumps. The bubbles and bows of my dress were flattened as he eagerly swept his tongue across my skin.

"You taste like champagne ... so sweet," he whispered into my neck, before making his way down and kissing across the parts of my chest that were bare, pulling down my bubbles and bows as he went.

I leaned back to give him easier access, then promptly slipped off his lap and fell on my ass on the floor of the spacious limo. I landed with a loud 'humph'.

"Ow! What the Hell?" I yelled up at him.

He was still sitting with his hands in the same position they had been when I was on his lap a moment ago. One hand was in my lap, the other on my back, but no longer holding me in place, I might add. His lips were still slightly puckered and a look of confusion flitted across his face.

"Why did you throw yourself off?"

I opened my mouth to accuse him of letting me fall, when the driver cut in.

"Ah - sir? We're here."

Edward huffed in frustration and then opened the door. While he exited, I tried to get up, but with the way my ankle was wrapped, it was near impossible. I growled out a call for help in frustration, when suddenly, I felt two hands curl under my arms and begin to drag me backwards. My dress began to ride up my thighs as my ass was dragged along the floor. I pulled at it and held it down.

"What are you doing?" I screamed out.

"Helping." Edward replied.

My body was flipped like a rag doll, and then I was thrown over his shoulder. I thumped his back as I yelled obscenities at him. He ignored me, thanked Sam, and then he walked us inside. I stopped thrashing about to take note of where we were going, in case I should need to escape, but I could only see white tiles, which lit up as he turned the light on in each room. I was wordlessly thrown back off his shoulder and unceremoniously dumped onto a large, black and plush sofa.

"Stay. I'll go get some ice."

"Fuck you very much." I grumbled.

"You're welcome."

He came back a few minutes later with a couple of ice packs and a large glass of water. He sat on the coffee table in front of the couch and motioned for me to put my leg into his lap. I swung my leg up, while trying to hold my dress down, and then leaned back into the couch. I watched him as he started to undo the bandage.

"Still sore?" he asked tentatively.

"No, I think you kissing me cured it." He smirked at me, and I rolled my eyes. "I was being sarcastic you egotistic asshole! Yes, of course it still hurts!"

"If I remember it correctly, you kissed me," he replied smugly, ignoring my outburst.

"I still have a very pointy stiletto on the other foot." I reminded him.

He shrugged and smiled to himself.

"I'm just pointing out the facts."

"So am I."

"Here," he threw me the other ice pack, and I caught it in my hands, "this is for your eye. We don't want people thinking you've been in a domestic violence incident."

"To be in a domestic violence incident one must be in a domestic relationship. Something we are not," I huffed out, before putting the icepack to my cheek.

He held the ice pack to my ankle, and I sucked in a sharp breath, flinching as the cold touched my sensitive skin. He shot me a lopsided smile and held my foot steady.

"The night is young," he replied smugly.

"Actually, no it's not. It's got to be at least two in the morning."

"It's just gone two-thirty, and are you going to argue with everything I say?"

"Yes."

"That's good; because I like it." His lopsided smile didn't waiver, and I glared at him.

His touch was turning my insides to mush, and I didn't like that feeling at all. The only way I could ignore it was to keep up our usual banter. I tilted my head up toward the ceiling, resting my head against the couch and closed my eyes.

"Like I would ever fall for that reverse psychology bullshit." I scoffed.

"Suit yourself."

I looked at him in confusion, only to find him watching me. Our gaze lasted a few long seconds before I threw my head back into the couch, and then, again, closed my eyes. I breathed in and out deeply to try and will away the butterflies that were having an orgy in my stomach.

_Maybe that's hunger._

"I'm starving; please tell me you have food?" I looked at him apprehensively and then instantly regretted it. That smile was still in place, and it grew even cockier when he saw me watching him.

"I have food," he deadpanned. He then fussed over my ankle, placing the ice pack on the other side.

"Smart ass."

He chuckled, and then asked me what I wanted. I told him to, "surprise me." I breathed a sigh of relief when he was no longer touching me or in the room. I removed the ice pack from my face and touched my cheek bone to see if it was still sore.

"Fuck!" Yep, still sore.

I glanced down at my ankle but then looked away and cringed. It was angry looking. Bruising was beginning to show up around the back of my foot, and it was so swollen that I had no ankle to speak of; I had a cankle.

"Are you okay?" I opened my scrunched up eyes to see Edward holding a plate with two sandwiches, and he was looking at me with deeply etched concern.

"Yeah, I guess I didn't realize how badly I'd done myself in. Is that for me?" I pointed at the plate, hoping to get the conversation off of my clumsiness.

"One is ... the other is for me. I hope you like peanut butter?"

"I'm allergic."

He handed me one and I bit into it.

"Just as I thought." He smiled, shook his head and then sat down on the coffee table. After placing my leg back in his lap, he picked up his sandwich and began eating.

I made sure to look everywhere but at him. I refused to be subjected to watching his beautiful mouth opening up and seeing his tongue slip out and …

"This house is ridiculous! Do you have eight kids stashed away here or something? It's huge!" I needed to keep myself distracted so I figured I'd bring up décor.

"This room is nothing. You should see my bedroom." He smirked at me, and I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from smiling back.

"I'm good here, thanks." I finished off my sandwich to keep my mouth preoccupied.

"C'mon, Swan! You were begging for it not long ago, and you can hardly sleep on the couch!"

"Why would I sleep on your couch? I have my own bed."

"Well, yes I'm sure you do, but it's not here, is it? Yet ..." He said the last word under his breath, and I scowled at him.

"You are sorely mistaken if you think I'm staying here so that the gossip mags can make a mess of this in the morning." I motioned wildly at my ankle. "I can take care of myself, thank you." I moved to get up, but as soon as my foot hit the ground, it collapsed under me, landing me flat on my ass on his black, shag pile carpet.

"That just proves that you can't. And besides ..." He bent down and picked me up, effortlessly. The pain in my leg was so excruciating that I didn't even argue. I wrapped my arms around his neck, put my forehead against his shoulder and bit down on my lip to stop myself from crying out. "... Eric has enough on us from tonight's events to have the world believing we're having a litter in nine months."

I laughed at the vision that flashed before me. Edward and I wearing white, Brangelina-style coordinating outfits, while posing for Life & Style magazine with a litter of white, fluffy kittens. Quotations scattered across the page about how each kitten has different personalities despite all looking the same.

"What?" Edward chuckled into my hair. I was aware that he was moving. I thought about asking where he was taking me, but decided to answer his question instead.

"I just had a pretty picture of you and me with a litter of kittens." I laughed again and he laughed with me.

I felt us stop, but dreaded to think of where we were, so instead of moving my head to look, I talked into his jacket.

"Edward, where are we?" I felt his lips at my ear, and I tried unsuccessfully to hold in the shiver that brought my nerve endings alive.

"Please don't freak out on me. I won't do anything you don't want to ... I promise. I just want to look after you, Bella. I want to make it up to you," he spoke lowly into my ear.

I brought my head up in an instant and narrowed my eyes at him. "So, you admit it! It was your fault!"

He rolled his eyes at me and then threw me on the bed. I cried out as I bounced on the soft mattress, and my ankle bounced around with it.

"Oh shit!"

I could feel his weight on the bed, but my eyes were clamped shut as pain tore through my foot.

"I'm sorry! I'm … shit. I'll be right back."

I felt his weight shift off the bed and then heard hurried footsteps as he left the room. I groaned; the pain became a throbbing ache.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner. I'm crap at this stuff. I'm so sorry. Here, take some Tylenol."

I opened my eyes to see Edward standing with a glass of water and two Tylenol, looking like a puppy that had just been told off for chewing on a good pair of shoes. I pushed myself up and he gingerly sat beside me. I gratefully took the two Tylenol and handed the glass back to him. He had taken off his jacket and loosened his bow tie and cuffs. His hair looked as though he'd run is hand through it a few times.

He leaned over me to put the glass on the bedside table, and I looked around to take my thoughts away from the fact that his body was brushing against mine.

"Please tell me this is the spare room?" I looked at him to see an extremely sheepish look on his face. It was a change from the cocky one he usually wore, but I couldn't really enjoy it just yet. "Are you -"

"It's just for tonight. One night, Bella."

I was fuming.

"Wait! I'm not saying that I want to have sex with you … actually, I am … I mean, I do, but I just want to make sure you're okay. I have a doctor coming by in a few hours to look at your ankle, and I want to …," he thought about it for a while, which said everything he needed to, "help," he finally settled on.

"You just want an opportunity to see if you can bed me. You think that, perhaps, with a bit of persuasion, I might fall for your charm," I corrected.

"Actually, I'm wondering why the charm hasn't worked already." I glared at him, and he chuckled at me. "Can you blame me for wanting you? Even in Madonna's stolen wardrobe, you're a vision."

"A vision?" I looked at him in confusion. That's not how I imagined Edward Cullen to talk.

"Would you prefer it if I said, completely fuckable?" He looked at me with a wry smile, but his eyes were smoldering.

I was stuck for words. Hell, I was stuck for breath.

_Completely fuckable._

I held my breath as his words went round and around in my head. They were two simple words, but said with his voice and the way he had said them? I was uncharacteristically stunned.

"You do prefer the dirty talk!" Edward sounded very excited, and it shook me out of my daze.

"No! I -" He was moving in. Suddenly, he went from sitting next to me, to hovering above me, and the look in his eyes made mine almost glaze over with lust.

"You do! You want it and you want it nasty. You're a dirty, dirty girl, Swan." His voice was low, gravelly and sexy as hell. My breath hitched when he moved in closer, our noses touching. "If you don't want this just tell me, and I'll stop," he whispered against my lips.

I silently searched his eyes with my own. They were dark but not cocky. I continued to say nothing.

"I promise to be careful." His words washed over my face in a whisper before his warm lips found mine.

In the short hour since we'd last kissed, I had almost forgotten how amazing it was. My whole body felt alive with positive energy, and my mind completely relaxed as I fell into the kiss. Our tongues met, which made him moan, and he picked me up in his arms to move me onto his pillows. The pain in my ankle barely registered as the lower half of me glided along his silk bedspread. The intensity of the passion I was feeling smothered me, and I couldn't breathe. I pulled away from the kiss to gasp for breath, only Edward continued on; kissing down my neck and down to my collarbone, where he met with my large bow.

"That's it; this fucking thing is coming off."

I blinked, and in the same instant, my dress was ripped from me.

"And on the sixth day, God created this." He looked reverently up to the ceiling. "Thank you."

I grabbed his loosened bow tie and pulled him down toward me. "Shut up and get your shirt off."

He had it off in seconds, but continued to loom above me, just gazing at me. The way he looked at me made me feel powerful and sexy, and I smiled up at him. "Are you done?" I asked, laughing a little.

He shook his head. "Not even close." One hand began to trace the lines of my body while the other held steady on my hip. He was caressing me between my cleavage when he spoke next. "I don't think …" He dragged his eyes away from my body and looked into my eyes, and then he grinned at me; teeth and all. Like a kid in a candy store. "You're fucking hot!"

I appraised his beautiful chest and arms with my eyes, before roaming them back up to his face, with a smirk. "You're not so bad yourself."

In an instant, his lips were back on mine, and then they were everywhere. My neck, my chest, my stomach, just above where the butterflies were stirring up my insides, and then they were brushing over my hip. I gasped at the feel of him there, and I felt myself grow excessively excited. The sensations he was eliciting from his simple kisses were like nothing I'd ever felt before. My skin was on fire as he made his way down one thigh and then the other. He took his time with each kiss, tasting, tantalizing and leaving it to tingle as he moved onto the next spot.

I spread my legs a little, giving him the hint, only he chose to ignore it, to torture me more and more, by slowly creeping back up my body while blowing his breath over my sensitive skin. I closed my eyes and moaned when I felt his breath on my exposed breasts. He stopped to tease them a bit more. I arched my back while grabbing his hair, forcefully trying to keep him there. He moved an arm under me and lifted me until I was flush with his body, his other arm holding us steady as we kissed again. He tasted of champagne and lust.

I worked at the button and zip of his pants, fumbling to get them over his delectable ass, and I groaned out in frustration when they wouldn't go any further. He placed me back down on the bed and removed his pants and boxers quickly. I gasped, not expecting him to take it all off so fast.

…

Nothing. I had nothing. My brain was a useless pile of mush. I had no hope in Hell of complimenting his delicious size; if that was, in fact, meant to be one-night stand etiquette. He smirked at me and then came back to press his lips and body against mine. I couldn't concentrate on moving my mouth with his; my thoughts were firmly planted on the hardness that pressed against my thighs. The kiss became a one sided affair, and Edward pulled away to look down at me with a curious expression.

"I'm sorry. I - just - I … that is … on me … and …" I looked down between us, at him, and it moved as he chuckled.

_Oh God. It is …_ Nothing. Again. Blank.

"Well, at least now I know how to shut you up," he joked, and my mind was so empty, that I had no come backs. Then, suddenly, something came to mind.

"Fuck. Me. Now." I growled.

His eyes went wide for a moment, before they grew dark. He smiled and then wrapped his lips around my nipples, tasting, teasing and leaving tingles.

"Fuck ... I love it when you talk dirty. Give me more, Bella."

I grabbed a hold of his hair and pushed him into me as my back arched.

"Touch me, now! I need to feel you touch me."

His hand moved inwards from where it gripped my hip, and the instant he touched my lace covered clit, I nearly convulsed in pleasure. I was already on the edge, and he knew it. He continued to tease me with his hands and mouth, encouraging me intermittently to continue talking dirty. I told him not to stop, to keep going and threw in a few curse words for good measure, but as the pressure built, I lost my voice. Hell, I lost all reasoning, and I pulled at his hair, screamed out his name and announced my climax.

He smiled into my skin as I came down from my high and then pulled my soaked underwear off me. He admired me for a few minutes until I whimpered for him. I was a mess. All I could think about was Edward inside me, and how good it was going to feel. I wanted it so bad that all my inhibitions flew out the window as I grabbed him and guided him into me.

He let me lead him, smiling down at me all the while. His eyes filled with lust as he pushed inside me, and I gasped from the slight pain. It had been a while, and I had forgotten the whole feeling of being completely filled. He stopped, sensing my hesitancy and began to kiss me gently. I kissed him back for a while, and then he pulled away to kiss down my neck and back up again.

"I promise I won't hurt you. You're in command. Let me know when you're ready," he whispered into my ear.

"I'm ready," I whispered back.

He kissed me softly below my ear, then slowly began to work his way in. I held my breath until I felt him stop again.

"I'm all the way in, are you okay?"

I nodded and he pulled out, only to push back in and stop again. I felt his teeth lightly graze at my neck as he growled into it. "Fuck! I'm not gonna last. Fuck, Bella, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna last very long."

I moved and he moaned out again. "I don't care, just don't stop," I begged.

It was starting to feel really good, and I didn't want him to stop.

Edward groaned, but continued. He pulled out and pushed into me and then did it again, thrusting into me hard and holding it there as he called out my name and a bunch of expletives, announcing his climax. I lay there, stunned and unsure of what to say or do. He collapsed on top of me with a huff.

There was a long moment of awkward silence before he finally said something.

"Oh my God. I suck. That was … terrible," he mumbled into my neck.

"So that's what all the ladies are lining up for?" I asked, only half joking.

He chuckled. "No. Usually I'm much better than that. I swear it's never been that quick for me before!"

I giggled. He sounded shocked and embarrassed, but I couldn't help teasing him a bit more.

"Is that what you say to all the girls afterwards?"

He shot his head up at that and looked down on me with an unreadable expression.

"Are you fucking kidding me? No way! I have never had anyone make me do that before … only you. You are … fuck. You are indescribable," he puffed out.

He was looking at me as if in wonder, and it shocked me. I fumbled around in my foggy mind for something to say, but nothing formed. I blinked to fill the time.

"I'm sorry. I promise to make it up to you; I just … need a moment." He smiled at me while his eyes still held that awkward look of awe and something else I couldn't quite understand.

"This is good." I smiled at him. I slipped my fingers back through his hair and brought his lips down to mine.

We kissed for a long while, moaning as our tongues teased one another's. He was hard again in no time and making it up to me, just as he had promised. I had a mind exploding orgasm, followed by another one, and for a long while afterwards I was too blown away to utter a word.

Soon after that, I fell asleep.

**NB: Please note that this is fantasy. In this fantasy there is no STD's, AIDS or risk of pregnancy. Despite this, and although there's no mention of it, my characters always use protection. Please also note that Edward is above average and not HUMUNGOUS! I don't know why but I felt the need to say that.**

**Thanks to BoB for her constant love and support with editing my messes.**

**If you want to share how these chapters made you feel, hit the button below, I'd love to read about it. Otherwise, thank you for reading and see you in the grand finale in a day or two…or three….;)**

**Chaz**

**x**


	3. For Naming Kittens

**And the Oscar Goes To…**

**Chapter III**

**For Kitten Naming: Edward & Bella**

A couple of hours later, I was woken by a painful throbbing sensation in my foot. Edward was spooning me; only my legs were wide apart, placing my swollen ankle miles away from where the rest of our bodies mingled. I groaned as the pain began to intensify in my consciousness.

"More Tylenol?" I heard his gruff voice in my ear.

"A chainsaw, perhaps?" I asked, only half joking. The pain was like nothing I had ever physically felt before.

"Too messy. I'll get you some Tylenol, and then we'll have a shower. The doctor will most likely be here soon."

I nodded. The pain almost made it impossible for me to enjoy his bare ass as it walked out the door. Almost. He came back a few minutes later, and I cursed my ankle for taking the joy out of seeing him full frontal. The sight made me wish I could draw.

I took the Tylenol and then let him half-carry me to the shower. I couldn't even enjoy his hands on me as he rubbed the soap suds over my skin. My leg was becoming excruciatingly painful, and I begged for him to take me back to the bed.

"That's more like it," he joked, before helping me out. We dried off and he carried me to the bed.

He threw me a pair of his sweat pants and a plain, grey, cotton tee. I put them on and then allowed him to carry me to his living room where he set me down on the black sofa. However, this time he did it gently and kissed my forehead before pulling away. While he made us some breakfast, I got comfortable and thought back to the previous evening's events. I was surprised to realize that I didn't feel the usual morning after awkwardness one usually gets with most one night stands.

It almost felt natural to be in his living room and that scared me. I looked over my ankle to take my mind off things and cringed at the black and blue mess before me. The bruising was now all the way around the back and sides of my foot. It was still swollen and angry looking. Suddenly, I didn't feel very hungry ... that was until the smell of bacon and eggs wafted into the room just moments before Edward entered with two plates full of food.

"Wow! The full treatment. I could get used to this," I joked.

Surprisingly, his eyes lit up, and he replied, "I could get used to seeing you on my sofa. Though, I'd rather you in my bed."

I didn't have long to think about what he'd said before we were both hogging into breakfast. It was one of the yummiest I had ever eaten.

_I could really get used to this_.

Once I had finished, I sat back and relaxed, feeling satisfied. Edward cleared our plates, and whilst he was in the kitchen, I heard the doorbell, followed by voices that got closer and closer until three people walked into the room.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen." Edward introduced his new guests and my hands automatically went up to my hair, trying to comb my fingers through it and then flatten it down.

"Oh! I thought it might have been the doctor," I mumbled.

"That would be me!" Carlisle said, holding up a black doctor's bag.

I looked at Edward feeling slightly uneasy. Apparently, my face was easily read.

"I didn't want to tell you he was my dad, because I knew you'd fight the issue and want to leave instead of staying and getting it looked at."

I looked at each person in the room. When I got to his mother, she smiled widely at me and began talking, super-fast.

"I came along because when Edward told Carlisle, and Carlisle told me that you were here, and well, I couldn't believe it. I mean I'm a huge fan of yours, and I just had to see if for myself, and I'm … babbling. I'm sorry." She cut herself short and sat down stiffly in the black armchair opposite me.

"It's okay; it's always a pleasure to meet people who enjoy my work." I smiled genuinely, hoping it would help her to relax a little.

Carlisle's doctor voice broke the awkward silence. "So, let's take a look at the nasty looking foot you've got there." I smiled up at him as he sat down by my foot on the opposite end of the sofa.

Edward sat on the coffee table near my head and smiled at me reassuringly. I yelped as soon as my leg was lifted and Edward reached over to grab my hand. I squeezed his in appreciation. Or, maybe it was more from the pain.

"Ow! Jesus Christ, woman!" Edward called out, trying to pull his hand from my death grip. I was in far too much pain to care about a little hand squeezing, and I shot him a death glare.

"Try having this!" I motioned to where his dad was gingerly palpating his way around my foot.

"So, Edward mentioned you did this when you tripped over at the Oscars?" Carlisle says amiably, shaking his head while sporting a wry smile. "You women always have to wear those ridiculous heeled shoes," he added with a sigh. Clearly, he was attempting to distract me while he beat the shit out of my foot with his gentle touch.

I squeezed Edward's hand tighter in frustration.

"It was actually the Vanity Fair after party, and I guess your son _forgot_ to mention that he _pushed_ me over." I clamped down on Edward's hand as tight as possible with each word I emphasized.

He groaned and gave me a look of shock, which was shortly followed by a challenging glare, when his mother gasped and then scolded him for pushing a "lady."

_Oh, Esme, if only you knew how unladylike I was just a few hours ago with your son. _The memory of it made my skin flush.

I felt Edward's grip on my hand tighten, and I grimaced as my knuckles were pushed together.

"I think what Bella _meant_ to say is that I _accidentally _pushed her when _her_ dress stabbed _me_ in the eye!" he countered, squeezing my hand tighter with each enunciated word, just as I had.

"Well, it wouldn't have happened if _you_ weren't standing so _close_ to me!"

"Well, I wouldn't have been standing so close to _you_ if you weren't about to _trip _over _your_ own shoes."

"So you did trip then? Carlisle asked. I tore my eyes away from Edward and glanced at him. He was looking between Edward and me in confusion. I thought back to the incident and suddenly remembered something.

"Yes." I looked back at Edward in time to see a look of triumph cross his face. "A trip that only occurred because he was dragging me around the place at the speed of Dashiell Parr." I accused pointedly.

The look of triumph on his face was quickly replaced by incredulity. He then looked at me, appearing steadfast and challenging. Our hands were playing a vengeful squeezing war. I was a little thankful for the distraction. Though, my foot still hurt way more than my hand.

"I was only doing that because you wanted to get away from Evil Eric," he stated lowly, almost through gritted teeth.

I threw my uncrushed hand up in the air and then let it fall beside me.

"What? So you decided to drag me along like one of your bimbo leeches?" I asked incredulously.

Edward scoffed. "I was hardly dragging you! And you're not a -"

I cut him off, and before long we were raising our voices and talking over each other. Suddenly, a stern, fatherly voice resounded through the room.

"Children!"

We stopped arguing in an instant and snapped our heads toward a very confused, but slightly amused, Carlisle.

"You need an x-ray," he said calmly.

Edward and I looked at each other; the argument instantly became a nonissue. This was more serious than we had anticipated. Edward's eyes flooded with sympathy. He took my hand again and squeezed it gently before bringing it up to his lips to kiss the back of it. We looked at each other for a long moment before Carlisle's voice reminded us that there were other people in the room. My body flushed again as I saw his parents looking at us, while attempting to hide their smiles.

"It's just as a precaution," Carlisle assured us.

"Uh - okay, but I need to go home first and change," I replied shyly, suddenly aware of what I was wearing.

"I will inform them to expect you today, and they'll make sure you get seen to right away." I nodded and then Carlisle looked at his son. "You'll take care of her, won't you?"

Carlisle wrapped my foot with some new bandages; it looked much more professional than Edward's effort earlier. Edward promised to keep them informed and then, after I got a lovely hug from his mother and a prescription for painkillers, they were gone.

As soon as the front door closed, Edward dropped and knelt beside me in a sudden move.

"I'm sorry. I can't believe I've bruised up one of Hollywood's hottest." He looked at me apologetically, and I couldn't help but laugh. The expression didn't suit him very well.

"It's okay. I'll just have to hurt one of Hollywood's hottest in a revenge attack." I smirked at him.

"You've already hurt my ego, but it's almost been restored now that I know you think I'm hot." He cockily waggled his eyebrows and then buffed his nails on his shirt. I rolled my eyes at him.

I felt his fingers then brush some hair away from my forehead and the warmth of his lips as he kissed the same spot.

"I'll be right back. I'll just collect your stuff, and then we'll go."

I closed my eyes to savor the soothing tone of his voice and the tingle his lips had left behind.

"Okay," I replied shortly. After a few seconds, I could still feel his presence. I opened my eyes slowly only to see him looking down at me with a small smile on his face. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's just I thought you'd kick up a storm about me taking you to your place. I mean ... whatever will the paparazzi think?" he joked.

I groaned at the thought of those blood sucking assholes.

"I'm sure the magazines are already regurgitating our tryst, ad nauseum. Hopefully, they add the part about you being 'a wife beater'. Speaking of which, your dad didn't say anything about my eye. Does that mean it's looking better?"

I hadn't had much of a chance to look in a mirror yet. I had blindly pulled out whatever pins had remained in my hair; most of them had already fallen out and were somewhere in Edward's bed. I hadn't even brushed my hair after the shower. I was suddenly looking forward to getting home and making myself look half human again.

He sucked in air between his teeth and gently caressed my cheek.

"It's not as swollen as it was last night but there's a pretty nasty bruise."

The thought of having a black eye made me cringe. I must have looked like an absolute shamble, and I began to wonder why Edward had been so keen on doing … everything we had done.

"I must look like a mess," I groaned out my thoughts, and slid my fingers through my hair.

"You could have two black eyes and still blow Jolie out of the water."

I looked at him disbelievingly. He only chuckled, kissed my forehead once more and then left the room, promising to be back.

_Sure thing, Arnie._

I closed my eyes and willed my thoughts to stay in a straight line; that was until I heard Edward's footsteps enter the room.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure this is everything. You ready?"

I nodded slightly and in an instant, I was being cradled in his arms as he carried me to his car. He completely dismissed my grumbles about being able to hop my way there.

We made it to my place without too much trouble. There were a few paparazzi photographers at the front of his place, but Edward gunned the car through them, and they were too preoccupied with jumping out of the way to take any decent pictures. I wished I had a camera, so I could take pictures of their shocked faces.

I changed into some bootleg cut jeans and a tee. I then brushed my hair and put it up in a loose ponytail.

"You might as well pack a bag while you're here," Edward spoke from my bedroom door. I looked at him in confusion. "I'm not leaving you here alone. You can stay at my house for a couple of days. What if it turns out that it's broken? You'll need my help to get around."

"There's a wonderful invention called crutches, Edward, maybe you've heard of them? Thanks, but really, I'm fine. I'm staying here." He didn't argue the point further, but he didn't look too happy either.

The hospital was quick to see me and just as proficient in telling me that there was no fracture evident. They filled my prescription for some painkillers and within an hour, we were on our way, back to my place.

Edward invited himself in, but I fell asleep on the couch not long after we had sat down to watch a movie. The lack of sleep and the events from the previous night had finally caught up with me.

I awoke a few hours later to find it was almost dark and Edward had thoughtfully left the floor lamp on. Beside the sofa were my crutches and on the table was a glass of water, my medication and a small note. I got up, took the pills and then opened the note.

_Bella, _

_you snore. _

_Love, Edward. _

_P.S. I ordered you some Chinese food and put it in the fridge for you to reheat. Call if you need anything._

His number was scribbled on the bottom. I tried not to read too much into the _'Love Edward'_ part.

"Asshole," I muttered under my breath.

The thought of Chinese food made my stomach rumble, and I hobbled to the kitchen faster than you could say 'Special Fried Rice.' I reheated it and scoffed it down before I made it back to the sofa.

I turned the T.V. on and watched about ten minutes of a Tom Cruise movie before falling back to sleep. I was woken at around lunch time the next day by my door bell being held down incessantly. I rolled off the couch, grabbed my crutches and made my way to the door.

"Who is it?" I called out as I neared it.

"It's me! Your knight in shining armor!" Edward's unmistakable voice was muffled through the wooden slab.

I opened the door and looked at him in confusion. He held coffee and a brown paper bag.

"Breakfast!" he stated unnecessarily and pushed his way past me.

As he made his way to my kitchen, I rolled my eyes, closed the door with my crutch and resignedly followed him.

And so began 'death by Edward'. Truthfully, while it was nice to have him around, it was a little pointless because for four days straight I was in and out of a painkiller induced somnolence. However, every time I woke up, there he was, bearing food, my medication or some smart ass comment about my sleeping habits. Sometimes I'd wake up and my head would be in his lap. His fingers would be idly slipping through my hair, or in one way or another, he'd be holding onto me. Other times I'd wake up, and he'd be asleep on one of the sofas; drool dripping onto the chocolate suede.

He never tried anything intimate. He'd joke about getting me to sleep with him, but he never went as far as trying to make it happen again. There were moments when I was glad for it, and other moments where I wanted him just to rip my clothes off and bring all those feelings back.

On the fifth day, I woke up to an empty house and, weirdly, my heart sank. There was a note on the table, and I reached over to grab it.

_I have a meeting with management today and then a couple of days of re-shooting. I will try to come around in between. For now, Alice will be taking my spot on your couch. Edward x_

As if on cue, Alice called out to me as she entered through my front door, using her key. I barely managed to eat breakfast with her before sleep overtook me again. However, I didn't sleep as well or as heavy as I normally did, and I woke only an hour later. We busied ourselves by watching T.V. or discussing the latest hot topics, but I couldn't help the heavy feeling in my chest every time I thought about Edward. I didn't like it one little bit.

After two days without a visit from him, and only one text message asking if I'd had a good day, I scolded myself for suddenly having feelings for the asshole.

Day three came and I awoke to the sound of my doorbell. I felt an excitement bubble within me as I hobbled towards the door. I was crushed when I realized that it was only a delivery man. I signed for the basket of goods and then hopped it to my kitchen. I read the note and instantly a smile spread across my face.

_I thought you'd need a pick me up today. I know I sure do. I will call you tonight. I need to hear your voice. I miss your whiney tone. _

_Love, Edward x_

"Asshole," I mumbled as I ripped into the plastic surrounding the overfilled basket.

It was filled with many of my favorite candy bars, and various other snacks that I liked. Something he'd learned about me during one of my painkiller induced rambles.

I pulled them all out one by one and then laughed when I came across a box of candy hearts. Instead of saying things like, _'I love you'_ they said things like, '_you snore_,' and _'you drool_.' I popped a couple in my mouth and carried them back to the couch where I continued to eat them,bmaking sure to read them before shoving them in my mouth.

_'You're clumsy_.'

_'You are nuts._'

_'Betty Rubble._'

And then there were the sweet ones that made my heart flutter.

_'Gorgeous smile._'

_'I miss you._'

Then I found some with just one word on them. Curious, I pulled them all out and lined them up on the table. I moved them around until they made some semblance of sense.

_'I want one more night with you_,' the message seemed to say, but then there was one spare word remaining. I slipped it into the sentence, but it made no sense ... then it hit me. I swapped the middle words around and gasped as I read the message in front of me.

_'I want more than one night with you._' One small word changed the whole meaning, and I couldn't stop reading it, over and over again.

The doorbell rang again and it took me a long second to tear my eyes away from the words in front of me. I got up and hobbled to the door. I swung it open and froze when I saw Edward standing there with coffee, breakfast and a wide smile. He looked at me in confusion for a while, taking in my stunned expression, and then I saw the realization cross his face.

"You already read it? You figured it out?" I nodded, still agape.

He held up a finger, asking me to stay. "Shit … This isn't how it was meant to happen. Stay here." In a flash he was gone and then back, empty handed. "I was meant to be here so I could see your face, but this is good." He smiled at me, and I snapped out of my daze.

"I only … just now …" I was speechless.

"So? Do you think we could … give it - give us a shot?" I could only nod in response.

His lips were on mine in a nanosecond. The door closed and my back was up against it a second later. Within a minute, our shirts were off. Two minutes later, our pants. And within five minutes of him walking through my door, he was holding me up against the wall as he repeatedly slammed himself inside of me. We clawed at each other and pulled hair in our haste to reach a climax, and when it was over, we collapsed against one another.

It was natural. The sex, the banter and the whole … everything. We fell into a comfortable co-existence that was sparked with an intense hunger for each other.

Every year from that day forward, we went to the Oscars together. Edward was only too happy to play along with Alice's mission, when we filled him in on the details. I made it onto the best dressed list, twice. One time, we even got called 'the best dressed couple'. That was the night that Alice decided to go with a pimp and ho's theme. My dress was long and sheer in a lot of places. Edward wore a white suit and a Fedora. We told the journalists that we'd lost a bet, and they ate it up.

See … I told you, Hollywood is full of morons.

Four years after we first decided to give things a go, I was filming 'Everly Yours' in Italy while Edward was back at home on the set of his latest block buster, 'Remember Me Tomorrow'.

After being apart for over a month, I awoke one morning as a box with a scribbled note, in Edward's handwriting, was delivered to my trailer. I smiled as I opened it and saw the familiar candy hearts. I read them, before popping them in my mouth.

_'I'm jealous_.'

_'Buy me something?_'

_'Snow Globes'_ was written inside a red circle with a line through it. I laughed at that one.

My heart stopped when I pulled out the next one. It was a single word, and I swiftly pulled out the others to put them in line, even though I already knew what they would say.

_Will you marry me?_

My heart sped up and I was about to scream out with joy when there was a knock on my door. I called out that I'd be there soon, then gathered myself up and tried to plaster on a smile for whoever was interrupting my special moment. I swung the door open, initially seeing no one ... then I looked down. There, before me, was Edward. He was on one knee, holding a ring.

"Yes!" I screamed out and jumped on him before he barely had the chance to stand up. He kissed me and then all of the crew behind him began to clap and whistle.

I dragged him into my trailer and laughed as his shaky hands tried to put my ring on.

"I can't believe you did it here," I commented in my shaky breath.

"Baby, our whole lives together, from the very beginning of this ridiculous mess, has been captured through a lens. Who cares what people see? I love you, and if I have to share that news with the whole world, so be it. Now, my soon-to-be-Mrs. Cullen … let's get busy and practice making a litter." He scooped me up, and I squealed as he carried me to the bed.

"I can't!" I laughed out. "I have scenes to shoot!" He wasn't listening; instead his lips were all over my neck as he kissed me. "Edward!"

He pulled back and looked at me. "Actually, no you don't. You and I are spending two nights in a magnificent place that came highly recommended by one of the hottest actors in Hollywood, so get packin' woman!"

"You recommended a place to yourself?" I asked jokingly.

He pulled back and looked at me with a huge grin. "This, is why I love you. Now hurry up before I start rocking this trailer." He moved back down and kissed my neck again.

"I can hardly pack when you're on top of me," I complained. He mumbled into my neck, and I sighed, deciding to play the cold fish until he stopped.

When we finally made it to our destination, I was in awe. We spent two glorious nights at the Atlante Hotel. In between making up for lost time for the month away from each other, we ate at the beautiful restaurant and dined in their garden café that looked over the magnificent city of Rome.

A year after that day, we married in a small ceremony at home, and we spent our honeymoon in Italy, reminiscing. On the third day of our stay, we decided to head out to The Piazza, and the Spanish Steps. We had just sat down at one of the café's when the occupants of the table next to us erupted in giggles. I looked over and saw them pointing at us. One of them had her hands out around her head, as if miming that she had a hat on.

"signora con i capelli grande!" she squealed.

I'd learned enough Italian to understand most of what she said, but Edward was uncertain?

"Lady with big hair?" he asked me. I nodded tersely.

He seemed to think it over for a moment when realization finally hit him.

"Oh, shit!"

"Io vado a cazzo di ucciderlo," I spat. Edward looked at me, confused.

"I'm going to fucking kill him," I reiterated.

He chuckled and then proceeded to try to keep my mind off the debacle while we enjoyed our coffee.

As soon as we got back to our hotel room, I fired up the laptop and hit the TMZ website.

"Cazza diavolo!" I swore aloud when I saw one of the main headlines.

**'A Bellward special. See photos from their first night together!'**

Edward stood behind me and brushed my hair back, before rubbing my shoulders soothingly. He leaned down and murmured into my ear. "I love it when you speak dirty in Italian, baby. You got to give me some of that tonight."

I shivered as his breath caressed the side of my face. "qualsiasi cosa per te," I moaned. Anything for you.

When the photos came up, I pushed Edward away. The photos from the Vanity Fair party that we had previously managed to keep from going to press (thanks to Edward's quick thinking bribery), were all there for the world to see.

There were action shots of Edward and me falling down and then both of us looking at each other covered in dirt. There was one where we looked as though we were arguing. Another image was of me with dirt on my face, my hair wild and full of leaves. I was sticking my finger up at the camera with a scrunched up face. So not classy, but so very funny.

Then there was the photo where we had both stopped to smile at the camera. Only, I was grimacing at the camera while Edward looked down at me with a smile on his face. Along with these 'new' pictures was the very first photo ever taken of us together, that was printed all those years ago, and had been sold with the storyline that we were an item. It was up on TMZ again, only this time I looked at it very differently than I had in the past. Back then, after a week of not daring to look at a single website or magazine, I didn't know what to think of it.

"_If that was a rejection, then why are you still standing here?"_ They were Edward's words, the ones he'd spoken to me right before we'd heard the click of the camera and all Hell broke loose. That one moment where our noses almost touched and his sweet breath washed over my face. That moment where he presented me with the question that made me doubt my sanity. _Why was I still there?_

I was surprised back then, but not now. Now, it was clear to me that Edward and I had some kind of connection from the very first night we had bumped into each other, literally. He admitted to ignoring me that night because with me around, he couldn't keep his mind on his date.

Whenever I was a part of the circle he was conversing with, he had to move on because he was afraid of what he would do or say.

When we got to the images of Edward carrying me out to the car (and me yelling at Eric) we were both in hysterics. My hair was all over the place, Edward's face was smudged with dirt and we both looked a little worse for wear. Only I looked slightly unhinged with my black eye, wild hair and open mouth as I gave Eric what for.

"Damn you looked sexy that night," he stated. I laughed at this.

He wasn't joking, though. He had told me plenty of times that he couldn't take his eyes off me that night, even after the incident. Black eye, blue ankle, wild hair and all; he just knew he had to have me. And then after the bed incident … well, he realized then that he wanted to spend as long as possible making it up to me. A year after that, he said, was when he knew that I was the one.

I couldn't remember the exact points in our time together when these pivotal decisions became clear to me. I only remember everything feeling just right. From the first morning after, when I realized that I didn't feel awkward at all, to the day when I had panicked when I woke up, and he wasn't there. I just knew he was where I belonged.

He lay on the bed and asked me to join him. I was about to get up from the hotel room desk, but turned back and picked up the hotel phone instead.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

"Ordering Eric a male stripper. Would you like to add anything to the order?"

"A nice set of silk sheets, but make them change the tag to satin."

It was common knowledge that Eric was allergic to silk. A lot of the women at Hollywood events often wore it just to keep him away. Whenever he touched it, he'd break out in itchy hives. This gave me an idea.

"Oh! I know! How about we send a male stripper to his work, the full body search option, and then a male escort to pick him up from the office? We'll then send him a silk robe, delivered by a nice Oriental lady (his favorite), and we'll sign the note - from Brad and Ange, so he won't suspect that it's from us!"

"So when he goes to work the next day, he'll be itchy … the day after they see him leave with a male escort. You are devious Mrs. Cullen."

"Why thank you, kind sir." I bowed and then picked up the phone to make the necessary arrangements.

Once I had finished with the details of our cunning plan, I ran and jumped into Edward's opened arms. "dovremmo allevare cuccioli," I murmured into his ear and giggled when he shivered.

"Let me guess. You said, I want to wrap my lips around your …?"

I looked at him sheepishly. "I don't actually know the word for cat, so I think I just said let's breed puppies," I laughed.

He grabbed me and rolled us over until he loomed over me. "Your dirty talk is quirky, Mrs. Cullen, and I like it."

He most certainly did. I couldn't walk straight for days. But we did arrive home to a wedding present of massive proportions. A sparkly new pin ball machine took up space in our family room, with a note attached that read '_Well played Mrs Cullen._'

On our one year anniversary, we did have a litter of kittens. They were white, fluffy Ragdoll kittens. We dressed in white and lounged about on white couches while Alice interviewed us. She then put our interview on our YouTube vlog. It received over a million hits within the first hour of it uploading. Sadly, it wasn't the kittens that everyone wanted to get a look at, and hardly any of the comments were directed towards our cutie pies.

It was the very last question from Alice that had Hollywood spinning on its tails, desperate to get the story first.

"Ying Yang, Lavender Liani Hirani Hiney and Optimus Prime are so adorable, but the big question people are asking these days is … when are you going to have your own bundle of joy?" Alice asked.

Edward and I looked at each other and smiled. "Five months now, isn't it, honey?" he asked.

I stood up and turned side on to the camera, showing my little bump. I'd managed to keep it hidden until then. "Actually we're due in six months. Are you trying to say I'm fat?" I accused.

He defended himself and I retaliated. We argued for a while before Alice's face took up most of the screen.

"Yeah, they're gonna be here awhile." She rolled her eyes. "So there you have it, baby Cullen is on its way! What do you think? Boy or girl? Maybe a set of triplets like Ying Yang, Lavender Liana Hirani Hiney and Optimus Prime here? What do you think they'll call it? Until next time..." And then she switched off the camera.

She had uploaded it so fast. We had just finished making it up to each other, when we decided to see if it was up yet. We were laughing at our own ridiculousness until Alice's comment about triplets. Edward and I looked at each other, eyes wide and mouths agape.

"Oh, Hell no," we said in unision.

We turned back to the screen and began to read some of the comments. Some of the name suggestions were down right ridiculous, but on a whole, our fans were just as excited about our future as we were.

The End.

**AN: **

_**'Everyly Yours'**_** is a beautiful fic by celesticbliss which is based on a true story about a brothel. **_**'Remember Me Tomorrow'**_** is a lovely fic by Sky Chaser, which I highly recommend also.**

**HUGE thanks to Beta Bower Of Bliss as she was up for almost 24hrs and still did this for me. Her dedication amazes me and I love her dearly x**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing my stories, I have been trying to reply to each one, but with FFN's latest tantrum, I may have missed a few and for that I'm deeply sorry. I changed a few things from the original version of this, so if you read this last time, I would like to know if you noticed them?**

**Cheers,**

**Chaz x**


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